Thursday, January 15, 2015

Please Excuse Me While I Try To Be An Adult

Growing up is weird. On one hand, it's a process that happens over time without much notice, because you are growing daily. But on the other, you look back and try to remember the exact moment when the coin flipped.

I'm nineteen - still a teenager but also an adult. And honestly, ever since I hit eighteen, I've never felt like an 'adult.' I don't have a job or go to school or do adult-like things. I don't live on my own, pay rent or do taxes. However, I think I've finally realized that these aren't the things that make you an adult. It's the personal growth that you have from when you start the transition from teenager to adult.

I don't depend on anyone else for my enjoyment or to take care of me. Sure, I reach out for help when I need it, which we all should do. But what I mean is that no one is responsible for me, except me. My mom still makes my doctors appointments and that's contradicting what I'm saying, but I'm growing. One day I'll make them myself. Or I'll die avoiding the doctor.

Some of the best memories I have are sitting down to dinner every night with a full meal and family. This was the usual up until about sixteen, and then I started to cook for myself because my parents were going through a separation and dinner wasn't exactly top priority in the household. I think this is one of the biggest turning points for my transition - I was relying on myself to feed myself, and planning meals ahead of time just for one. Sitting down on the couch to eat lasagna on my lap seems lonely and sad, but it was actually a way for me to grow and learn to take care of myself.

One of the biggest things I've noticed about growing up is that people actually become human to me. It sounds strange, so let me explain. When I was young, I looked at my parents, teachers, doctors, police officers all like they were saints, per-say. I looked at them like they knew all the answers to every question and lived perfect, normal lives. But as I got older, I realized that they're actually people just like me. They have problems, ambitions, hopes, dreams and fears. They no longer were these magical people I had come to believe they were. And actually, thinking about that still makes me sad. It's weird how we learn as we grow. And we never stop either of those things.

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